Repairing Ruptured Relationships: How to Address Conflict Resolution With Teens and Adults by Samantha Straub
Raising Responsible Teens When it comes to raising teens, families can count on the occasional problem. A teenager’s job in this stage of life is to figure out who they are, and this process usually entails distinguishing themselves from their families of origin. This distinction often brings arguments, which aren’t always a bad thing; show me a teen who has never had any conflict with their parents, and I’ll show you a kid who is either afraid of their parents’ reactions or who won’t be ready to launch when the time comes. Both are not healthy. The way parents model conflict resolution at home is what teens will take into their own significant relationships down the road. When you argue with your teens, are you intentional about making repairs after the fact? Or do you let your ego, your nerves, or your schedule prevent you from saying you are sorry? Make sure you’re creating space to revisit an issue when tempers have cooled down, taking the time to really listen to your kids, and offering genuine apologies. Kids do not need perfect parents. They need authentic parents who use their authority in a diplomatic way, and own any personal mistakes when they do happen. If a rift has developed and you feel that your relationship with your teen is getting out of hand, it may be prudent to find outside counseling to help you repair it. We all need a little help sometimes.
My husband and I were reminiscing about our college days when he said, “We’ve known each other for almost 31 years. Can you believe that?” “Of those 31 years, how many of them do you think we’ve spent being angry with each other?” I wondered. (Short silence from husband while he calculated.) “One-point-two,” he replied. Even though that’s a small percentage of our marriage, that still means we have spent about 15 months in some state of disapproval, disappointment, anger, hurt, annoyance, or disconnection because of something the other did or didn’t do. In any long-term relationship, there are bound to be bumps in the road. This is true in marriages and in every We mess up sometimes: we do insensitive things, we lose our cool too easily, let little things build up, fail to communicate what we really want, or we hold others to unreasonable expectations. When these things happen, they can cause a rupture in our important relationships. But what matters is how we repair those ruptures. other type of relationship. We’re only human, after all.
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